I passed on a job today—a fairly lucrative, interior design project. It was unbelievably hard to say no. But as soon as I sent the email, I felt a weight lift off of my chest.
I’m often so flattered to be considered that I instantly say yes to each new opportunity that comes my way. Only later do I realize my mistake. I’ve taken on too much again, I’ve stretched myself too thin, and most importantly, I’ve thrown up roadblocks on the path to my ultimate goals.
Right now my priorities are as follows:
- Family
- Health
- Writing & Painting
- Work
Sometimes in that order, sometimes not. But with limited time for side projects and personal pursuits, I’m learning that I need to work off of a shorter, more refined list of priorities.
For the longest time I thought I didn’t have time to write, to paint, to exercise. I thought I didn’t have time to stop and cuddle with my kids or with M.
Then, quite recently I realized that for the most part, I determine how my time is spent. Yes, I have commitments that fall into specific time blocks, like work and family dinner, like giving my kids baths and putting them to bed. But then I realized that I could simply stop doing the things that had to be done before I could do the things that gave my heart joy. I could stop waiting for every dish to be clean before picking up a paint brush. I could type on my laptop amidst a floor littered with children’s toys. I could stop work at 4:30 to go to PIYO. I could say no.
M likes to say, “Just don’t do it.” Like it’s the easiest thing in the world to choose for yourself what people and commitments to bring into your life. Maybe it’s because he’s older and wiser, or maybe it’s because he’s a man, and society more readily accepts the word No as a complete sentence from a man than from a woman.
Regardless of the reasons, I’m happy to take a page from his book. I’m thrilled to be learning to say no without (much) guilt or (tons of) hesitation.
I remember reading a story in Shauna Neiquist’s book Present Over Perfect about putting up chairs. She tells the story about a pastor whose church kept growing and growing beyond control, to the point that the staff was completely spent and the pastor was left wondering, “How did this happen?”
A wiser, older soul told him, “Because you kept putting up chairs.”
I’m trying to be more selective about the chairs I put up in my life. Just because something is a good opportunity does not mean it’s a good opportunity right now. Just because something is doable on its own, does not mean it’s doable when done alongside everything else.
So if you need me, I’ll be right here. Writing, painting, snuggling with my husband and kids, and otherwise taking down chairs.