The other day, I did a Deep Dive, looking up old acquaintances, checking in on bloggers I used to follow, and getting to know the digital personas of people I’ve recently met in real life. I even reactivated my paused Facebook account, which I found I hadn’t really missed after all.
But, curiosity got the best of me. And so I snooped, and looked, and searched, and meandered through the Interweb, wasting time and scrolling for the sake of scrolling. Instead of being a relaxing experience, it reunited me with the less favorable sides of my personality. The jealous girl who sees someone else’s accomplishments and is instantly green with envy. The insecure girl who wonders if everyone has been hanging out without her. The wistful one, who wishes her life were different. The overly ambitious girl, who thinks, “Anything they can do, I can do better.”
This trap I often fall into, one that can be noticeably hard to get out of, is about more than comparison. It’s an assumption that others’ values are better than mine, their life choices more desirable. I’ve always been a bit of a magpie in that way, collecting others’ ambitions and trying them on for fit.
Why, I wonder, is it so hard to follow one’s inner compass in the face of social media? Why does one Instagram post or LinkedIn-worthy announcement throw us so terribly off course?
Since taking a long break from Facebook, I’ve noticed how much lighter it feels to not know what others are up to. It’s eliminated my oft-felt FOMO and allowed me to focus on what’s happening in my life and in the lives of people I actually know. But I’ve missed things too. A friend’s new business, a request for a donation I could easily fulfill, an announcement about my son’s Cub Scout group. All of these oversights were quickly remedied: I ordered bracelets from my friend, sent a text about the donation, and caught up on Cub Scouts news.
There are many reasons to avoid the Deep Dive, that nosy scrolling turned anesthetic. For me, chief among these reasons is the desire to live authentically. Knowing how strong the temptation is to inhabit someone else’s life, makes it all the easier to resist the forbidden fruit.
And come to think of it, I’m not sure humans are designed to “know” so many people after all.
That’s not to say that feelings like envy and insecurity didn’t exist when our worlds were smaller. They’ve always held a captive audience, no matter their methods. There were the “cool girls” of elementary school, with their Starter jackets and perfect ponies. There was that one kid in your class who always got the best grades. And the family at church with the nicest, shiniest car. But these were all people we knew. Who we saw at the grocery store or the town’s Fourth of July celebration. Their stardom felt more tangible than the influencers and friends-of-a-friend we can now access.
As I write this, I know I am likely to share it on Facebook or Instagram, to publish it on my blog which anyone could stumble upon in a Deep Dive of their own. I don’t believe we can completely disentangle ourselves from the modern ways we communicate and connect. But I like the idea of distancing myself from the habits that make me feel off-kilter, in favor of embracing things (like writing, and art, and family time, and reading, and nature) that make me feel less divided…and more like me.
Well stated!